Normal Rants
I had panic attack last year and found out had anxiety problem, being referred to online therapy that give me a bit of help.
I'm trying to deploy all the logic in my mind regarding to these panic attack.
I'm a mum that been on long hiatus and want to go back to have a career.
A Career!!
Big part of me want to go back to work. Other parts of me don't want to go back to work.
I enjoyed to be around with the kids, there's love hate relationship there but i still count everything as blessings.
Big part of me that want to go back to work because of independence and social status. I got bullied by women, yes women my own kind not from men surprisingly. 3 working mum bullied me verbally and treat me as if i'm worth less than them because i'm staying at home. The way they talked got this kind of attitude and vibe. They didn't said it literally but it's in the air, any muppets can feel it. I'm inferior even to my own kind let alone with another gender.
So i take this course, i done my degree donkey years ago but being out from working in the office for ages. My degree means nothing. I was hoping doing this course ,will at least helping to me out to be update for current business situation also convincing myself, that in my prime age eventhough my brain didn't being used much for decade. It's still in good working order.
But things got pretty much bad. Since there's papers need to be learn and there's exam by the end of the papers. The papers isn't easy either. On my first paper i got my wisdom teeth extracted. Stupidly forgot that i had exam 1 week after that. When it done the exam didn't went well. Since that i got jittery on every small things. It's jinx me. So far, i've managed 3 exam. I was thinking the more exam i did the less anxious i will be...Hell no!
There's tonsilitis, cold, sore throat then continue with conjuctivitis.
There's winter health problems too with the kids.
There's kids activities, birthday parties, school stuff.
There's a hole underneath the car, it got rusty.
There's husband that irritating
There's non stop house work.
My head nearly exploded.
Things that pissed me off. I'm bloody studying and got all these problems. By the end of the day i got big fat zero coming to my pocket. Felt like in dark tunnel of hell.
I'm trying to deploy all the logic in my mind regarding to these panic attack.
I'm a mum that been on long hiatus and want to go back to have a career.
A Career!!
Big part of me want to go back to work. Other parts of me don't want to go back to work.
I enjoyed to be around with the kids, there's love hate relationship there but i still count everything as blessings.
Big part of me that want to go back to work because of independence and social status. I got bullied by women, yes women my own kind not from men surprisingly. 3 working mum bullied me verbally and treat me as if i'm worth less than them because i'm staying at home. The way they talked got this kind of attitude and vibe. They didn't said it literally but it's in the air, any muppets can feel it. I'm inferior even to my own kind let alone with another gender.
So i take this course, i done my degree donkey years ago but being out from working in the office for ages. My degree means nothing. I was hoping doing this course ,will at least helping to me out to be update for current business situation also convincing myself, that in my prime age eventhough my brain didn't being used much for decade. It's still in good working order.
But things got pretty much bad. Since there's papers need to be learn and there's exam by the end of the papers. The papers isn't easy either. On my first paper i got my wisdom teeth extracted. Stupidly forgot that i had exam 1 week after that. When it done the exam didn't went well. Since that i got jittery on every small things. It's jinx me. So far, i've managed 3 exam. I was thinking the more exam i did the less anxious i will be...Hell no!
There's tonsilitis, cold, sore throat then continue with conjuctivitis.
There's winter health problems too with the kids.
There's kids activities, birthday parties, school stuff.
There's a hole underneath the car, it got rusty.
There's husband that irritating
There's non stop house work.
My head nearly exploded.
Things that pissed me off. I'm bloody studying and got all these problems. By the end of the day i got big fat zero coming to my pocket. Felt like in dark tunnel of hell.
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